malinfuckjohanna

- Mr. President, the country is under attack by aliens.
- I'll deal with that later. Right now I want to find out what happens to the duck.
- More people will die!
- The people will die regardless. But this duck still has a fighting chance.
- Sir, I've read the book. The duck dies!
[the President spits milk all over the elementary school kids]
- Good God! That's horrible!


- Ever since the divorce it's like my life has no purpose. Half the time, I walk around feeling like a zombie!
- Yo, don't joke about zombies. That shit there - that's real.
- Yo, you know Nashawn, down on 120th Street?
- Yeah.
- She told me that she heard a zombie going through her trash the other day. The next morning, she turned up missing.
- Uh...
[C.J. interrupts] - What? Okay, back up. How in the hell do you "turn up missing"?
- 'Cause nobody knows where you are when they realize you ain't there!
- Guys, I'm trying to ask...
[C.J. interrupts again] - So you telling me that you can appear and disappear at the same time.
- No, man. You can't appear and disappear at the same time. The bitch ain't David Copperfield!
- Uh, guys...
[C.J. interrupts yet again] - Mmm. No, no. But you can't be gone from one place and show up somewhere else entirely. So when you turn up, you're never missing. And when you're missing, you never turn up.
- Unless... you a zombie.
- Damn! Hey, that's some plausible shit right there. You should blog about that.
- I'm gonna put that on MySpace.
- You do that!